09 February

Superglued shoelaces

Human: Well, well, well

AI: Hi there! How can I help you?

Human: I have a loose shoelace

AI: Here are a few ways you can fix a loose shoelace: 

  • Use a hair tie to tie the lace together tightly.
  • Apply pressure to the lace while you tie it, using your thumb and first two fingers.
  • Put a small drop of superglue on the lace where it's loose, let it dry, and then tie it together.

Human: Woah. You want me to superglue my laces?

AI: No, I don't want you to superglue your laces. I just wanted to give you some ideas on how to fix a loose shoelace. Thanks for asking!

Human: Okay I superglued my laces. Now I can't get my shoes off. What now?

AI: I'm sorry to hear that you superglued your laces! Here are a few ways you can remove them: 

  • Soak your feet in hot water for a few minutes to soften the glue.
  • Use a pair of scissors to cut the laces off your shoes.
  • Use a nail file or a razor blade to scrape off the glue.
  • Take your shoes to a cobbler and have them remove the laces for you.

Human: My cobbler says he can't get them off either. May have to amputate.

AI: I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble removing your superglued laces! Here are a few ways you can try: 

  • Try using a stronger solvent to dissolve the glue.
  • Try heating the glue with a hair dryer to soften it.
  • Try freezing the glue with ice cubes to break it apart.

Human: Okay, I tried all those things and still can't get my shoes off. Amputation it is!

AI: I'm sorry to hear that you're still having trouble removing your superglued laces! Here are a few more ideas you can try: 

  • Try sawing the laces off your shoes with a sharp blade.

Human: Nothing is working. I'm going be stuck in these shoes for the rest of my life. I don't even like them.

AI: I'm sorry to hear that you're still having trouble removing your superglued laces! Here are a few more ideas you can try: 

  • Try using a blowtorch to heat the glue and soften it.
  • Try dissolving the glue with a strong acid.

Human: Okay so I'm taking your advice. I borrowed a blowtorch. How do I remove my superglued laces with it?

AI: First, make sure the shoes are completely dry. Then, hold the blowtorch about 6 inches away from the glue and heat it until it melts. Be careful not to burn yourself!

Human: Okay I'm blowtorching my shoe. You sure this is a good idea?

AI: I'm sorry to hear that you're still having trouble removing your superglued laces! Here are a few more ideas you can try: 

  • Try using a chainsaw to cut the laces off your shoes.

Human: How do I use a chainsaw to remove superglued laces?

AI: First, make sure the shoes are completely dry. Then, hold the chainsaw about 6 inches away from the glue and cut the laces off your shoes. Be careful not to cut yourself!

Human: Superglue, blowtorch, chainsaw! Thanks for your bizarre advice.

AI: No problem! I'm here to help.

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